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mommydama ([personal profile] mommydama) wrote2005-12-11 05:19 pm

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THE DOMESTIC MONASTERY...

January 7, 2001

Carlo Carretto, one of the leading spiritual writers of the past half-century, lived for more than a dozen years as a hermit in the Sahara desert. Alone, with only the Blessed Sacrament for company, milking a goat for his food, and translating the bible into the local Bedouin language, he prayed for long hours by himself. Returning to Italy one day to visit his mother, he came to a startling realization: His mother, who for more than thirty years of her life had been so busy raising a family that she scarcely ever had a private minute for herself, was more contemplative than he was.

Carretto, though, was careful to draw the right lesson from this. What this taught was not that there was anything wrong with what he had been doing in living as a hermit. The lesson was rather that there was something wonderfully right about what his mother had been doing all these years as she lived the interrupted life amidst the noise and incessant demands of small children. He had been in a monastery, but so had she.

What is a monastery? A monastery is not so much a place set apart for monks and nuns as it is a place set apart (period). It is also a place to learn the value of powerlessness and a place to learn that time is not ours, but God's.

Our home and our duties can, just like a monastery, teach us those things. John of the Cross once described the inner essence of monasticism in these words: "But they, O my God and my life, will see and experience your mild touch, who withdraw from the world and become mild, bringing the mild into harmony with the mild, thus enabling themselves to experience and enjoy you." What John suggests here is that two elements make for a monastery: withdrawal from the world and bringing oneself into harmony with the mild.

Although he was speaking about the vocation of monastic monks and nuns, who physically withdraw from the world, the principle is equally valid for those of us who cannot go off to monasteries and become monks and nuns. Certain vocations offer the same kind of opportunity for contemplation. They too provide a desert for reflection.

For example, the mother who stays home with small children experiences a very real withdrawal from the world. Her existence is definitely monastic. Her tasks and preoccupations remove her from the centres of power and social importance. And she feels it. Moreover her sustained contact with young children (the mildest of the mild) gives her a privileged opportunity to be in harmony with the mild, that is, to attune herself to the powerlessness rather than to the powerful.

Moreover, the demands of young children also provide her with what St. Bernard, one of the great architects of monasticism, called the "monastic bell". All monasteries have a bell. Bernard, in writing his rules for monasticism, told his monks that whenever the monastic bell rang, they were to drop whatever they were doing and go immediately to the particular activity (prayer, meals, work, study, sleep) to which the bell was summoning them. He was adamant that they respond immediately, stating that if they were writing a letter they were to stop in mid-sentence when the bell rang. The idea in his mind was that when the bell called, it called you to the next task and you were to respond immediately, not because you want to, but because it's time for that task and time isn't your time, it's God's time. For him, the monastic bell was intended as a discipline to stretch the heart by always taking you beyond your own agenda to God's agenda.

Hence, a mother raising children, perhaps in a more privileged way even than a professional contemplative, is forced, almost against her will, to constantly stretch her heart. For years, while raising children, her time is never her own, her own needs have to be kept in second place, and every time she turns around a hand is reaching out and demanding something. She hears the monastic bell many times during the day and she has to drop things in mid-sentence and respond, not because she wants to, but because it's time for that activity and time isn't her time, but God's time. The rest of us experience the monastic bell each morning when our alarm clock rings and we get out of bed and ready ourselves for the day, not because we want to, but because it's time.

The principles of monasticism are time-tested, saint-sanctioned, and altogether-trustworthy. But there are different kinds of monasteries, different ways of putting ourselves into harmony with the mild, and different kinds of monastic bells. Response to duty can monastic prayer, a needy hand can be a monastic bell, and working without status and power can constitute a withdrawal into a monastery where God can meet us. The domestic can be the monastic.

http://www.ronrolheiser.com/arc0107.html

[identity profile] mercyorbemoaned.livejournal.com 2005-12-12 01:13 pm (UTC)(link)
The idea that *marriage* is like monasticism is totally sensible. The idea that women have a tougher row to hoe really steams me.

[identity profile] mommydama.livejournal.com 2005-12-12 01:35 pm (UTC)(link)
I'm a little confused. I don't see anywhere in the article that it says women have a tougher row to hoe. I think a problem I see a lot within Orthodoxy is an unspoken (well, sometimes it is spoken) idea that monasticism is better or a higher calling to the point that married people and especially those with children for whom keeping up with the church calendar is almost impossible are made to feel like they can never measure up. Women with small children cannot be in the church every time the door is open. I know I've been made to feel that way many times....basically that I'm not a "good enough" Christian because I don't live a monastic life with its prayer and service schedules. I think this article is pointing out that motherhood, especially, demands such selflessness of people that its results, when done right, are the same as those of monk or nun who devotes their whole lives to the "contemplation". We can live a life of prayer just as fully and richly as a monastic, not in spite or our calling as wives and mothers, but because of it. That is what I got out of the article.

And I do say "hurrah" to any man or woman that recognizes that. Not that women have a worse lot, but that a woman's "row to hoe" can and does and is DESIGNED to have the same results as a man's or monastic.

[identity profile] mercyorbemoaned.livejournal.com 2005-12-12 01:41 pm (UTC)(link)
Those people need to read what St. Paul says on the subject. Women are supposed to be guiding the house. You should make little stickers that say TITUS 2:3-5 and put it over their mouths when they say dumb things.

[identity profile] mommydama.livejournal.com 2005-12-12 02:07 pm (UTC)(link)
Good plan!

I need to come up with one for my MIL's forehead...

[identity profile] altarflame.livejournal.com 2005-12-13 12:05 pm (UTC)(link)
That is exactly how I heard it! I've always wished I could be out doing ministry, or missionary work, being a volunteer chaplain again, volunteering for services, etc - but I can't because I'm here. I love it here, a lot - but I miss being a youth in camp situations and being able to strike out on a special devotional weekend. This article reminds us that my calling is just as valid and spirit-filled as some other "specifically christian" thing would be, with just as much room for me to serve God.

[identity profile] jeffholton.livejournal.com 2005-12-12 01:45 pm (UTC)(link)
The monk and the nun alike must toil.

[identity profile] mercyorbemoaned.livejournal.com 2005-12-12 01:48 pm (UTC)(link)
What do you think about my sticker idea? You think there's a market for that?

[identity profile] jeffholton.livejournal.com 2005-12-12 02:07 pm (UTC)(link)
There is always a market for stickers.

The kids will love them. Kids always love stickers.