Balls and Babysitters

I have so much to do that I am not doing anything. I have to go to a ball tonight for Brad's unit. Not looking forward to that. Military balls are horrible. I'm really nervous about leaving the kiddos with the babysitters (two of them in this case...I don't trust anyone to take care of my kids alone...not even the grandparents...I always make sure there are two of them if I'm leaving all three kids) I'm feeling a little nervous about my dress too. I have always dressed extremely formally for these things. But we haven't been to one in several years and I just feel too old for all the really fancy-shmancy stuff I used to wear. I suddenly feel like those satiny, shiny, things are gross. So I chose instead to wear a very simple black sleaveless knit dress with a black shirt style jacket over the top that is covered in little sparklies. My mother-in-law bought it for me from Cold Water Creek for Zoe's adoption ceremony at church and I thought it was too formal looking then. I wore it, but have never had anything else to wear it to. It seems so in between...always either too dressy or not dressy enough. Because of the knit it seems casual, but the sparkly jacket thing makes it seem much more dressy. I didn't want to buy anything new. But now I'm second guessing myself and praying that everyone there is not wearing silk and sequins. Oh well...I don't know any of these people anyway and I will look nice if not formal enough. Black can hide a multitude of sins. I'll throw on some rhinstones and pretend I'm setting a new fashion trend. Understated formality. Ack.

Aftermath...

I feel sick. We went the ball which wasn't too horrible, actually had some kind of fun moments. We got home and I could feel negativity oozing the moment we walked in the door. Brad had called the babysitters (a brother and sister duo, Red Cross certified, teenagers but seemed mature) during dinner and told me things were okay, the girls had been crying some, but he didn't seem concerned. We got home and the girl half of the babysitters is looking like she is going to fall over from exhaustion. We ask how it went and they both kind of go "Well.....". Then she tells me Zoe "messed" in her pants and looks at me like I should be horrified. I told her before we left that we were potty training and Zoe needed to be sat on the toilet frequently and that she might have an accident. Is that so horrible? Then as I am leaving to take them home, Brad reminds me to ask if they are available next Friday (for a Hail and Farewell that may or may not be child friendly, we don't know yet). I laughed and said, JOKING, that they won't want to come back. The girl says, very clearly, "Not anytime in the near future." I start feeling sick at this point. When I got home, I went to check on the kiddos and Zoe is sleeping without her blankie. I cannot really believe that since she has slept with that blanket every night since she was about six months old and the few times we didn't have it she screamed for hours. Turns out she "messed" on the blanket. Brad told me later that as soon as I left to take the babysitters home he went to check on the kids and Zoe's eyes were open. She didn't say anything to him or start crying so he asked her if she was okay. She said yes and he asked her where her blankie was. She said "I messed it". I know this may not make any sense to you all, but for her to be so matter of fact about it, while lying awake at 10pm and not crying or reaching for her daddy makes me really worry. What the did those kids do to my children? Did they cry the whole time we were gone? Why didn't they call us if they were in over their heads? I don't ever want to leave my children with non-family members again. I can't even cry I'm so upset. Why would Zoe be so wierd? I'm freaked right now.