(no subject)

There are two sides to everything. Have you ever noticed that? It breaks my heart that in this world, it seems that nothing good comes without something bad. One good thing that has come of Mari's going to preschool is that Zoe and Luci have bonded in a way I've never seen from them before. They play together so incredibly well when Mari is gone. I've often really worried about Luci, the "third wheel", because Mari and Zoe tend to get so involved in their world that they leave her out a lot unintentionally, and often they actively exclude her because she "messes things up". I get these flashbacks to my middle sister's and my cruelty to our poor youngest sister, innocent and not so innocent. But since Mari has been going to preschool, Zoe and Luci have become the best of friends. Even when Mari is around, Zoe is looking out for Luci, making sure she is nearby and being included, not because she knows it is the right thing to do so much as she just seems to like having Luci around. This is a wonderful thing. I've longed for Luci to have that with her sisters, hoping that as soon a she was old enough to be a "contributing" member it would get much easier. To see Zoe dealing with Luci in such gentleness and love makes my heart overflow.

The downside? Mari is getting left out. On preschool days especially but even on other days, I've watched this happen several times. Zoe and Luci have a game going on, deep in their pretend world, and they are interrupted to go pick up Mari and when we return they go right back to their game and...leave Mari out. Once Zoe even told Mari that she couldn't play. I've never seen anything break Mari's heart like that did. Zoe has been Mari's...well...everything, for the past two and a half years. Mari sobbed on my lap for a long time. I talked to Zoe about how important it was to include everyone and how bad it made Mari feel to be told she wasn't welcome and asked her to try and imagine how she would feel if Mari said that to her. It hasn't happened again exactly. But a sublter form is still happening. This is one of the things I was very afraid of when I agreed to preschool. I know Mari needs a world of her own, one that doesn't depend on Zoe all the time. And I've seen lots of great things in Mari, confidence, security in being herself, opening up more, less imitation of Zoe, since she started. But the symbiotic relationship she had with Zoe is slipping away and that makes me so sad. I wish there was some way they could remain just as close, in a completely healthy way. I wish I knew the right formula to help them build a bond that will carry them over the rough spots. Because there are going to be some serious rough spots for these girls. They are going to need each other, a family, so much. I hate to see the growing pains.

Don't worry. I know there is nothing really wrong and this is just a stage on the way. It is just a hard one to watch, for me. One of the things I see as a characteristic of our family is this kind of symbiotic closeness. Brad and I are struggling for that, so it makes it doubly hard to see my girls struggling to maintain it too.

(no subject)

As related to me by Brad:

He was upstairs playing with the girls in their room and suddenly Zoe stopped what she was doing and turned to Mari and said "Mari, you have gas. Go outside!"

Mari, who happened to be crawling around on the floor, promptly crawled right out the door. Zoe followed her and shut the door behind her. Brad then heard Mari call from outside the door "Okay, you tell me when it smells good and I'll come back!"

Zoe then begins jumping on Luci's bed (which is a mattress on the floor and therefore, the only bed they are allowed to jump on) periodically sniffing the air.



I fell off the couch laughing when he told me this story.