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Writer's Block: Time Travel
Aug. 28th, 2007 11:43 amIf you could travel back in time to spend a day with someone, who would it be and why?
I read the writer's block question today and the answer was so obvious, it seems silly to write it down. But, here I am, doing it anyway.
Of course, right now, if I was given this option, I would choose to go spend a day with Leslie. For me, my friendship with her represents the epitome of "wasted time". Cliche, but it is all the opportunities I didn't take advantage of, all the moments I let slip away. All the letters I should have written, all the phone calls I should have made. Regret. I hate that my mourning for her is so tinged with guilt and regret. Keeping in touch with people geographically far away from me has always been a terrible weakness of mine. It is something I'm constantly striving to "fix" and never seeming to get anywhere. It isn't that I ever forget about the people I love who are not right in front of me. I never do. I think about them all the time. They pop up in my dreams over and over. I pray for them.
It is selfish, I guess, my fears about being a "bother". Being "needy". Being "annoying".
I often felt inferior to Leslie. She was smarter than me, funnier than me, more creative than me. It wasn't ever jealousy, I can honestly say that, I just often felt when I was with the bosom friends that I was "the odd man out". It is sad and strange in retrospect to see how wrong I was. How individual we all are. How unique. I see, now clearly for the first time ever, what each of us brought to that relationship. And how indispensible each of us is. How strange and difficult is our communion now that Leslie is gone. It will be beautiful again, it will heal. It is just so hard to imagine a bosom friend reunion right now, without her. It seems so totally broken.
Anyway, a day with Leslie. An opportunity to know her again on more than surface level. To hear her stories, all the ones I missed. To have memories instead of regrets. That is what I would wish for if a genie in bottle was mine for the day. Not world peace, not an end to world hunger, not even the return of The Beloved Christ.
Just a day with my friend to remember and cherish for the rest of my life. Until, God willing, I see her again.
I read the writer's block question today and the answer was so obvious, it seems silly to write it down. But, here I am, doing it anyway.
Of course, right now, if I was given this option, I would choose to go spend a day with Leslie. For me, my friendship with her represents the epitome of "wasted time". Cliche, but it is all the opportunities I didn't take advantage of, all the moments I let slip away. All the letters I should have written, all the phone calls I should have made. Regret. I hate that my mourning for her is so tinged with guilt and regret. Keeping in touch with people geographically far away from me has always been a terrible weakness of mine. It is something I'm constantly striving to "fix" and never seeming to get anywhere. It isn't that I ever forget about the people I love who are not right in front of me. I never do. I think about them all the time. They pop up in my dreams over and over. I pray for them.
It is selfish, I guess, my fears about being a "bother". Being "needy". Being "annoying".
I often felt inferior to Leslie. She was smarter than me, funnier than me, more creative than me. It wasn't ever jealousy, I can honestly say that, I just often felt when I was with the bosom friends that I was "the odd man out". It is sad and strange in retrospect to see how wrong I was. How individual we all are. How unique. I see, now clearly for the first time ever, what each of us brought to that relationship. And how indispensible each of us is. How strange and difficult is our communion now that Leslie is gone. It will be beautiful again, it will heal. It is just so hard to imagine a bosom friend reunion right now, without her. It seems so totally broken.
Anyway, a day with Leslie. An opportunity to know her again on more than surface level. To hear her stories, all the ones I missed. To have memories instead of regrets. That is what I would wish for if a genie in bottle was mine for the day. Not world peace, not an end to world hunger, not even the return of The Beloved Christ.
Just a day with my friend to remember and cherish for the rest of my life. Until, God willing, I see her again.
