(no subject)

The last few days have been kind of crazy. Brad's mother and his grandparents are here visiting. They came to see the girls choir concert which was on Saturday. Zoe was chosen to read her "backstory" (I shared the paragraph she wrote awhile ago, but I don't feel like looking it up right now, sorry) at the concert. This was a fairly big deal as there are over 300 kids in the Rocky Mountain Children's Choir and so the concert had about 700 people in attendence. There were only five kids chosen to read their stories, so we were very proud of her. She did a GREAT job. She looked so small and vulnerable up on the stage at the microphone all alone and her voice sounded so tiny and sweet and...young. Sometimes I think my children are growing way too fast and it upsets me, but this reminded me that she is still very, very young. The youngest one to read her story. All three of them did a GREAT job singing. They looked happy and animated, mouths wide open, very obviously singing. That was not true of Maria and Luci at the holiday concert. It was all very good.

Sunday, Brad took the girls and ILs on a drive up to Estes Park. There were one too many people to fit in the van, so I stayed home and worked on Usborne stuff. Did some audio training and got some organization done and closed out a show. Again, all good, if busy.

Yesterday, Brad went to work and I took the Grandmas and the girls to the American Girl store and out to lunch. It was fun. We left Grandpa Chet at the house because he had not been feeling well. We all thought he looked terrible, but he kept saying he was fine and refusing to let us do anything. When we got back, he was worse, pale and having difficulty breathing. MIL took him to an urgent care center while I took the girls to get their pictures professionally taken as a late mother's day gift for the all the grandmothers. While we were there, MIL called to say they were taking Grandpa Chet to the ER by ambulance. His lungs are full of fluid and late last night they diagnosed him with congestive heart failure. MIL and the grandparents were supposed to leave this morning, but will not be going anywhere for a few more days. When they do release Grandpa Chet he will go home with an oxygen tank and possibly orders to fly home instead of driving.

This is hard on so many levels. I am closer to Brad's grandparents, MIL's parents, than any of my own grandparents. This is sad to me, but it is true. Grandpa Chet's prognosis is not good and it really upsets me to think of losing him. I've been hanging out with them since I was in high school, going to their house for Christmas Eve celebrations, Luci LOVES her great-grandparents. I don't know. It is going to be SO HARD for the girls as they start losing all these great-grandparents. And Brad...he is closer to his grandparents than anyone I have ever met. It will be devastating for him to lose them. Ugh. Life is so hard. Death is so hard. I'm reading a book called The End of Suffering: Finding Purpose in Pain by Scott Cairns right now and it is so timely. Thinking about my marriage, my childrens' lives, death...it all fits together somehow, I can feel that in my bones. I just haven't found the fit and peace I'm looking for yet. Lord, have mercy.

Today, the girls and I are doing school, laundry, dishes and generally being normal. MIL and Grandma are at the hospital. The girls have piano lessons this evening and then I get to go to Mother's Night Out with the homeschool ladies. Unreasonably excited about that. I cannot WAIT. It will be so nice to spend some grownup, fun time away. I've really been needing a break.