(no subject)

Just had a nice, long conversation with a member of my girls' birth family. It feels funny to write that, as for us, this woman is just Aunt C (actual relationship, not made up), and another member of the family. The "birth" part feels funny to write. But for the sake of clarity it is necessary I guess. Just as we'd say paternal or maternal to denote which part of the family we are talking about, "birth family" helps explain the relationship I guess. Whatever. It was a nice talk. I wish we could be closer to them, but that is not to be right now, I guess. Regardless, it is nice to have some access to biological relatives of my kids.

These conversations are always good and I'm glad to have them, but they do always put me in a thoughtful, pensive mood. Analyzing my thoughts and feelings about adoption and where everything fits. It is all so messy. Nothing fits into nice categories or boxes, like I want it all to. I always end up feeling a little lost, but then, inevitably one my girls (usually Luci) will run in, snuggle into me and talk for awhile, telling me all the about the concerns of her mind and heart. Suddenly the mess just fades away and all that matters is this small bit of humanity, in that moment. What does she need from me, what can I give her right now, how can I guide and teach and comfort and help? Tomorrow will take care of itself. Today, right here, right now, is all that is important.