Out of all of humanity, there's been one person - a temple-raised woman who actually raised Jesus and lived with him, one in all of our time, who managed to make it through her life without sinning. And we know Jesus got angry and sad and so Mary must've too - I mean, she was human and theotokas. (ack spelling!)
But the Apostles. He chose them, lived with them, taught them, they saw the miracles, they witness the resurrection. They were loved in person by him.
And they screwed up. They doubted, they betrayed, they lied, they fought, they were jealous and petty and daft.
But they believed and loved, and because of that, they repented and tried again. I mean, it's pretty certain we're all gonna screw up again and again and again. It's incredibly pride to imagine that we can somehow through sheer force of will alone manage to be better than Mary, or even the Apostles and Saints. And their stories are so often about discipline and error and repentence.
But there's a sort of - you know how when you screw up with someone who you know will scream at you and yell, and then there's someone you know who will forgive you? And the fear is totally different. With the forgiving one, it's shame of disappointing them, but no hesitation in asking for forgiveness. With the other, it's all overshadowed by fear. There's nothing to be afraid of. You'll be forgiven as soon as you ask, so figure out why you don't (pride, fear, shame, guilt - oh the variety pack of human feelings) and work on that in prayer and stuff.
I asked my priest once if there was anything he couldn't forgive, as a priest, and he said yes - if someone did not repent. They admitted to what they were doing and said they were going to continue doing it. It didn't matter if you came every week for years, admitting the same fault and promising to try again, then failing and coming back. Far better than to never even try. Or to turn around and say it's not a sin, it's a personal choice.
(Note: not talking about gay rights here, from the phrasing. I have a whole bunch of complicated and mostly loving acceptance of healthy gay/straight etc relationships - note healthy sorry sidetracked!)
Dude, the apostles screwed up. So will we. The mercy that we get is - I mean, it's not just being forgiven as some sort of wipe slate clean, cross off your to-do list. It's turning to God and saying yup, I need you and letting the Holy Spirit in with mercy. Without that mercy, it's sort of a legalistic punishment/contrition thing. Mercy makes it - the way you can have a house with adults and children, but it's not a family without love. Mercy transforms the relationship.
Okay, I am blathering. You are so tough on yourself for not being eprfect and I completely get that. Just remember Jesus loved Mary and Martha.
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timeasmymeasure
no subject
Date: 2008-04-25 04:10 pm (UTC)Out of all of humanity, there's been one person - a temple-raised woman who actually raised Jesus and lived with him, one in all of our time, who managed to make it through her life without sinning. And we know Jesus got angry and sad and so Mary must've too - I mean, she was human and theotokas. (ack spelling!)
But the Apostles. He chose them, lived with them, taught them, they saw the miracles, they witness the resurrection. They were loved in person by him.
And they screwed up. They doubted, they betrayed, they lied, they fought, they were jealous and petty and daft.
But they believed and loved, and because of that, they repented and tried again. I mean, it's pretty certain we're all gonna screw up again and again and again. It's incredibly pride to imagine that we can somehow through sheer force of will alone manage to be better than Mary, or even the Apostles and Saints. And their stories are so often about discipline and error and repentence.
But there's a sort of - you know how when you screw up with someone who you know will scream at you and yell, and then there's someone you know who will forgive you? And the fear is totally different. With the forgiving one, it's shame of disappointing them, but no hesitation in asking for forgiveness. With the other, it's all overshadowed by fear. There's nothing to be afraid of. You'll be forgiven as soon as you ask, so figure out why you don't (pride, fear, shame, guilt - oh the variety pack of human feelings) and work on that in prayer and stuff.
I asked my priest once if there was anything he couldn't forgive, as a priest, and he said yes - if someone did not repent. They admitted to what they were doing and said they were going to continue doing it. It didn't matter if you came every week for years, admitting the same fault and promising to try again, then failing and coming back. Far better than to never even try. Or to turn around and say it's not a sin, it's a personal choice.
(Note: not talking about gay rights here, from the phrasing. I have a whole bunch of complicated and mostly loving acceptance of healthy gay/straight etc relationships - note healthy sorry sidetracked!)
Dude, the apostles screwed up. So will we. The mercy that we get is - I mean, it's not just being forgiven as some sort of wipe slate clean, cross off your to-do list. It's turning to God and saying yup, I need you and letting the Holy Spirit in with mercy. Without that mercy, it's sort of a legalistic punishment/contrition thing. Mercy makes it - the way you can have a house with adults and children, but it's not a family without love. Mercy transforms the relationship.
Okay, I am blathering. You are so tough on yourself for not being eprfect and I completely get that. Just remember Jesus loved Mary and Martha.