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May. 21st, 2005 01:43 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
mommydamaI'm jumpy as a frog today. I took some Excedrine to finally kill off a migraine I've had since yesterday morning. It was horrible yesterday. Like, I had a moment where I prayed to die or at least pass out. I'm glad God didn't listen to me. These seem to be getting worse. I need to go to a doctor or something, I think.
Brad and I, with help from the girls, cleaned off the back porch today, and set up the wading pool. It is a big one. The temp was 94 yesterday and supposed to hit 95 today, so it is time. We thought the girls wouldn't want to play in it yet, since the water would be so cold, but they hopped right in and played through chattering teeth and blue lips. Poor Luci had no fat on her bones and gets so cold. But she doesn't want to stop playing! I showed her how she could run out into the sun to warm up and that helped a lot. When she starting turning blue I'd just remind her about the sun and she'd go run around the yard. They all looked so cute in their little swim suits!
Took the girls to get their hair cut day before yesterday. Zoe wanted hers short even though we've been trying to grow it out long. She absolutely hates having it brushed or washed and usually cries through both processes, so I didn't argue. I let them chop it. Mari, of course, said she wanted her's cut off too, but I said "Oh no! Your hair is just now long enough to braid and stuff. Lets leave it long!" She didn't argue with me, but I could see she was very disappointed. All the way home I felt worse and worse about it. When Brad saw their hair cuts he said "Zoe you have short hair like your mommy's now!". I looked at Mari just in time to see an expression that broke my heart. Once again she didn't say a word. I was talking to my mom about it and she said "You know, you might want to consider letting her cut it. You know how she is noticing differences now." I remembered how often she mentions that Zoe and Luci are the "same color", but she is not. She never seems particularly upset about it, just stating facts. She will sometimes hold her arm up to mine and say "I'm brown and you are not." I suddenly realized what this hair thing might really mean to her. I asked her this morning if she still wanted short hair like mommy's and Zoe's or if she wanted to leave her hair long. I reminded her that mommy and daddy love her beautiful long hair, but if she wants it cut off we will do it. She grinned from ear to ear and said "I want hair like Zoe's!"
So...
I cut it off.
I literally had to bite my lip to keep from crying as we have been growing her (and Zoe's) hair out for a year and she was the only one who would let me play with hers, but I realize that it is much more important that she feel "the same" in some ways right now. She was so happy about it, I felt myself tearing up again. I never know the right thing to do really. I want her to know that her differences are things we will celebrate and that we love about her. I try to show how we are all different in many ways. But she is a smart kid and she know her "difference", her dark hair and skin, her body shape, are more noticable when compared to her family. She knows people ask about her when we are out as a family. For now, being the same is very important to her, being "one of us", this family. And I agree. Short hair for everyone this summer and mommy will learn to love it!!
Brad and I, with help from the girls, cleaned off the back porch today, and set up the wading pool. It is a big one. The temp was 94 yesterday and supposed to hit 95 today, so it is time. We thought the girls wouldn't want to play in it yet, since the water would be so cold, but they hopped right in and played through chattering teeth and blue lips. Poor Luci had no fat on her bones and gets so cold. But she doesn't want to stop playing! I showed her how she could run out into the sun to warm up and that helped a lot. When she starting turning blue I'd just remind her about the sun and she'd go run around the yard. They all looked so cute in their little swim suits!
Took the girls to get their hair cut day before yesterday. Zoe wanted hers short even though we've been trying to grow it out long. She absolutely hates having it brushed or washed and usually cries through both processes, so I didn't argue. I let them chop it. Mari, of course, said she wanted her's cut off too, but I said "Oh no! Your hair is just now long enough to braid and stuff. Lets leave it long!" She didn't argue with me, but I could see she was very disappointed. All the way home I felt worse and worse about it. When Brad saw their hair cuts he said "Zoe you have short hair like your mommy's now!". I looked at Mari just in time to see an expression that broke my heart. Once again she didn't say a word. I was talking to my mom about it and she said "You know, you might want to consider letting her cut it. You know how she is noticing differences now." I remembered how often she mentions that Zoe and Luci are the "same color", but she is not. She never seems particularly upset about it, just stating facts. She will sometimes hold her arm up to mine and say "I'm brown and you are not." I suddenly realized what this hair thing might really mean to her. I asked her this morning if she still wanted short hair like mommy's and Zoe's or if she wanted to leave her hair long. I reminded her that mommy and daddy love her beautiful long hair, but if she wants it cut off we will do it. She grinned from ear to ear and said "I want hair like Zoe's!"
So...
I cut it off.
I literally had to bite my lip to keep from crying as we have been growing her (and Zoe's) hair out for a year and she was the only one who would let me play with hers, but I realize that it is much more important that she feel "the same" in some ways right now. She was so happy about it, I felt myself tearing up again. I never know the right thing to do really. I want her to know that her differences are things we will celebrate and that we love about her. I try to show how we are all different in many ways. But she is a smart kid and she know her "difference", her dark hair and skin, her body shape, are more noticable when compared to her family. She knows people ask about her when we are out as a family. For now, being the same is very important to her, being "one of us", this family. And I agree. Short hair for everyone this summer and mommy will learn to love it!!
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Date: 2005-05-22 06:10 pm (UTC)I'd like to see pictures, too, though! I'll bet they look adorable. :) And short hair will be so much easier--and cooler--for summer.