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Jun. 12th, 2005 02:33 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
mommydamaSnippets.
Mari is very weepy today. And distracted. Everything must be repeated at least four times before she even acknowledges you said anything. I think she is tired for some reason. Also, she was pouty all through church. When I knelt in front of her to ask her forgiveness for my offenses to her this week before Communion (something I picked up at the Hogar), she started crying. When I asked her why she was crying she said "because you were mad at me and yelled at me!" I was confused and asked her when I did that and she said "Yesterday and yesterday", which I think means earlier in the week when it did indeed happen. I said, "I know I did that and I'm apologizing because it was wrong" She cried harder and said "But I love you!" I almost started crying too. I said "I love you too. Do you forgive me?" She kind of half nodded and threw herself against me almost knocking me over. It was a...weird and kind of beautiful experience.
Zoe seems to be having some strange cognitive action going on. She has taken to asking strangers if they are her mommy or daddy. We were at a gymnastics make up class on Thursday night and she was going through my bag trying to find the little sandwiches I had brought and she looked up at a lady standing close by and said "Are you my mommy?" She does this a lot. And she will ask me, when we are just hanging around the house, suddenly and spontaneously, "Are you my mommy?" I usually react by laughing and tickling her and saying "yes!" so I thought she was just playing a game. But now I'm not sure. I took her to the mall with me to get my haircut yesterday and as we were walking out there was a man in a wheelchair right outside the door. I think he may have had MS or something because he was strapped into the chair around his chest and didn't have very good control of his movements. He called out to me and asked me to pick up a quarter he had dropped. I did, and we exchanged quick pleasantries and Zoe and I went on our way. She looked up at me as we were walking away and asked "Why did you help that man pick up his money?" I said "Because he asked me to" She thought for a minute and said "Are you everyone's mommy?" I can't figure out what is going on in her head! I was talking to my sister about it yesterday and she wondered if Zoe is starting to realize what adoption means. We haven't talked about it all that much and she doesn't ask questions very often, but when it comes up I tell her the truth and am very open about it. I've read that four years old is the first "crisis" point for many adopted children. Maybe she is hitting it a little early. Or maybe she is just being funny Zoe thinking her own little thoughts.
Luci is a her usual fruity self. Adorable and headstrong and smart and wild. I'm finding that when her voice starts to get too loud and she begins to get really wild and "screamy" in public, she will actually pay attention if I start talking really softly. Not whispering, she ignores that. Audible, but soft. She will modulate her voice to match mine and calm down to listen. It is really cool. I'm so happy that she has reached this stage because I finally feel like I can reason with her a little. I don't know if that is because of her age or the better controlled diet or what, but it certainly makes things easier, especially in church. For her and for us.
Mari is very weepy today. And distracted. Everything must be repeated at least four times before she even acknowledges you said anything. I think she is tired for some reason. Also, she was pouty all through church. When I knelt in front of her to ask her forgiveness for my offenses to her this week before Communion (something I picked up at the Hogar), she started crying. When I asked her why she was crying she said "because you were mad at me and yelled at me!" I was confused and asked her when I did that and she said "Yesterday and yesterday", which I think means earlier in the week when it did indeed happen. I said, "I know I did that and I'm apologizing because it was wrong" She cried harder and said "But I love you!" I almost started crying too. I said "I love you too. Do you forgive me?" She kind of half nodded and threw herself against me almost knocking me over. It was a...weird and kind of beautiful experience.
Zoe seems to be having some strange cognitive action going on. She has taken to asking strangers if they are her mommy or daddy. We were at a gymnastics make up class on Thursday night and she was going through my bag trying to find the little sandwiches I had brought and she looked up at a lady standing close by and said "Are you my mommy?" She does this a lot. And she will ask me, when we are just hanging around the house, suddenly and spontaneously, "Are you my mommy?" I usually react by laughing and tickling her and saying "yes!" so I thought she was just playing a game. But now I'm not sure. I took her to the mall with me to get my haircut yesterday and as we were walking out there was a man in a wheelchair right outside the door. I think he may have had MS or something because he was strapped into the chair around his chest and didn't have very good control of his movements. He called out to me and asked me to pick up a quarter he had dropped. I did, and we exchanged quick pleasantries and Zoe and I went on our way. She looked up at me as we were walking away and asked "Why did you help that man pick up his money?" I said "Because he asked me to" She thought for a minute and said "Are you everyone's mommy?" I can't figure out what is going on in her head! I was talking to my sister about it yesterday and she wondered if Zoe is starting to realize what adoption means. We haven't talked about it all that much and she doesn't ask questions very often, but when it comes up I tell her the truth and am very open about it. I've read that four years old is the first "crisis" point for many adopted children. Maybe she is hitting it a little early. Or maybe she is just being funny Zoe thinking her own little thoughts.
Luci is a her usual fruity self. Adorable and headstrong and smart and wild. I'm finding that when her voice starts to get too loud and she begins to get really wild and "screamy" in public, she will actually pay attention if I start talking really softly. Not whispering, she ignores that. Audible, but soft. She will modulate her voice to match mine and calm down to listen. It is really cool. I'm so happy that she has reached this stage because I finally feel like I can reason with her a little. I don't know if that is because of her age or the better controlled diet or what, but it certainly makes things easier, especially in church. For her and for us.
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no subject
Date: 2005-06-12 01:13 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-06-12 02:48 pm (UTC)I was going to suggest the same thing about Zoe....that perhaps she is starting to catch on early as to what adoption really is. Your sister probably hit the nail right on the head.
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Date: 2005-06-12 02:56 pm (UTC)mommydama
Date: 2005-06-26 05:13 pm (UTC)We have a common LJ friend in naqerj and I had read this post and have not had time to post my comment but I truly wanted to put in my two cents regarding Zoe's comments. Just so you don't think that I'm a total knucklehead, I'll tell you where I'm "coming from". I am a 37 year old father of two (10 yr. boy & 8 yr. girl), happily married for 16 years now...a soon to be seminarian...and finally and probably most pertinent an adoptee @ 1 year old. I think that it's probably a mixture of what your sister has pointed out AND probably Zoe's own little thoughts. If I read the most recent post correctly you have 7 children under 5 years of age...so you are NO STRANGER to the wonderment that issues forth from the mouths of babes. :)
All I wanted to say is that I would encourage you & Brad (I hope I got that right?) start to talk about it and approach it just the way you say you currently do when she brings it up because I have to tell you that my parents were extremely open with myself and two sisters (all 3 are from different biological families) and I have to tell you that we know so many other adopted kids that didn't get that treatment (honesty) from their parents...or they got it @ 11-12 years of age when it was obviously too late.
Finally, per another post, your family is in my prayers for I can empathize with you concerning your calling and I will pray for your contentment with your current ministry set before you...your gaggle of children!!
God Bless!
Re: mommydama
Date: 2005-07-20 03:10 pm (UTC)Thank you so much for your input. We only have three children (I think you are getting the seven from my recent posts about all the cousins we are visiting with), all girls, but everything you said is right on. We do plan to be very open with them about their adoptions. It is so nice to hear from an adult adoptee that this is a good plan. I often feel that I'm flying blind, not sure how my decisions and actions are going to effect the girls long term. But...perhaps all parents feel that way, not just adoptive parents, eh?